LadyCaledonia
by Royal Puppet Master
Summary: "Iggy, hey! Iggy! I gots somethin' to ask you!" England had never heard such a butchery of his own language in one sentence. Had he not taught the boy better?


"Iggy, hey! Iggy! I gots somethin' to ask you!" England had never heard such a butchery of his own language in one sentence. Had he not taught the boy better?

"America, how many times do I have to tell you to use my proper name. I've taken care of you for most of your life time and you have the audacity to call me 'Iggy'" America just rolled his eyes at him.

"Whatever. Anyways, I have something I wanna ask you!" England sighed. What did he break this time? No, better question is why did he always expect England to pay for it?

"Well, what am I replacing this time?" America pause for a moment to consider that question. Apparently he was replacing more than one thing. Did the boy really think he had millions upon million of pounds just tucked away for occasions such as this?

"Uhm... That's not what I was gonna ask ya, but if you're offering I ain't sayin' no." England couldn't help the wince that accompanied those words. Sure, he spoke in different dialects of his country, but those people could understand. He almost wanted to smack America for using that southern drawl with him.

"I take that back, then, what was it that you were going to ask me?" Oh, he had finally done it. He finally murdered Russia and wanted England to help bury the body.

"I wanted to know who you had your first kiss with..."

"I WON'T DO IT! I won't help you bury Russia for all of the money in the world!" Wait, what had he said?

"Bury Russia? What the hell are you talkin' about?" England hid his blush by looking away and patting out the wrinkles in his shirt.

"Nothing, nothing at all. What was it you asked again?" Maybe he actually had something worth saying, though, that was highly unlikely.

"Who did you have your first kiss with? I mean, ya had to be pretty loose in your pirate days and all that, but I'm just askin' about the lipping not the whole bit about you jumping France or somethin'." Insert the massive eyebrow twitch here. Oh how he wished to strangle the boy sometimes! What a glorious day that would be!

"I have never 'jumped' _France_." England practically spit the word out.

"Whatever you say, man. Anyways, you didn't answer me first questiononey my little balogna.~" He would never understand the American ways. He often wondered if he really raised such an obnoxious brat.

"My first kiss? That was such a long time ago. I might have already forgotten..." Bull sh*t, but he didn't need America making fun of him.

"No one forgets their first kiss! No one! It's unAmerican!" England gave him a funny look. What the hell kind of sense did that make?

"I'm British."

"Close enough. Spill the beans man! I wanna know!" Close enough only counts in horse shoes and grenades...

"What beans? When did beans come into our conversation?" Again, he would NEVER understand the American ways.

"Doesn't matter. You're avoiding my question! I wanna know, Iggy! It wasn't with France was it? 'Cause I don't think he'd stop with just a kiss... Oh, is that why you don't want me to know? France took your virginity?" Insert another large eyebrow twitch here. Well, it was France. Who would want to be with _France_, of all people, that way? Gawd, just the thought of that made his stomach lurch.

"No! I don't remember! Lord, so interested in my first kiss. What about yours?" This time is was America's turn to look away to hide his blush that suddenly brushed his cheek.

"I-I haven't had it yet..." Did he just say? That is so cute! England had to stop himself from hugging the boy and squealing in delight for him keeping those virgin lips.

"No? What are you waiting for?" Calm and composed. Calm and composed. He needed to keep himself together lest he decide to hug the boy for being so cute.

"I just want my first kiss to be with my first love..." He was like a teenage girl! That was so sweet. Only, it made England want to hug him that much more. His former charge could be adorable when he wasn't being an obnoxious jack ass.

"That's nice. So, you haven't fallen for anyone yet? What are you waiting for, Christmas? You have thousands of years for that my boy. Might as well get it over with just in case." In case the US ends up disappearing like the Holy Roman Empire. That wouldn't be good. Hopefully that will never be the case.

"I have fallen for someone, but he doesn't reciprocate my feelings." He? America liked men? He liked? Oh good lord... That's such a waste. The lad is so attractive.

"Oh no? Why not just tell him your feelings?" For that would be the simplest way. Who needs simple? Not England! He goes the roundabout way of doing things. He pushes the man he loves away from him and onto his crush so he can comfort him when it doesn't work out. In the meant time he drinks away his sorrows for pushing the man he loves onto his crush.

"B-because! He'd laugh at me. If he liked me back he would have already put his hands on me... I mean, I've known him for years now. I mean, like since I was a little kid." France? Netherlands? So many countries. Spain? He hoped not. That man was for Southern Italy only...

"You mean France? Boy, I'm sure he's already molested you plenty." America glared at him. He had only told him the truth and that earned him a glare. What a rude little boy. He should punish him. No ham... Never mind. He wasn't the boy's caretaker anymore.

"Not France! Are you stupid? I would never like France! He's for Mathew only." What was France doing to his other former charge? England needed to have a word with him.

"Netherlands? Spain? Mexico? I mean, I know you and Mexico are close, but you shouldn't be _that_ close. He's your brother!" Though, England was practically his brother too... That didn't count. He lived across the ocean.

"None of them! And Mexico? I know I'm being invaded by thousands of illegal immigrants each year, but really? Mexico? You should know Mexico is in love with Columbia for some odd reason." That's why those two had been hanging around each other...

"Then, who? You're really not giving me a whole lot of options here." He needed to know who to some day kill.

"Alright, think about this for a moment. It's an island country. I've known him for a very long time. He has blonde hair and green eyes. Can you figure it out now?" England stood there for a minute or two thinking. He knew there was Sealand, but he wasn't even a country.

"I haven't a clue who you're speaking about."

"I LOVE YOU! Are you so blind as not to see it? I've been giving hints for the past five decades and you still haven't figured it out?" ...Eh?

"Why didn't you tell me you were sick? My gawd, you're delusional! I need to get you to the doctor quickly. That ice storm really effected you,didn't it?" There was no way the boy loved him. He obviously was sicker than he looked if he was telling England he was in love with him.

"I'm in my right mind! I love you, England. I love you."

"Surely you're mistaken. Probably admiration or something." America didn't love him. He loved... That one person England couldn't figure out.

"Admiration my ass. I'll prove that I love you!" With that he crushed his lips against England's own in a fierce, passionate kiss that took his breath away. For someone who had never kissed anyone before, America sure was good at it.

They broke away a few second later when the need of oxygen became apparent. It only took him a few minutes to catch his breath before he was screaming his lungs out.

"You bloody idiot! What do you think you're doing? I'm your big brother!" England proceeded to smack America. America proceeded to smack England.

"You're not my big brother anymore." England couldn't help the blush that came about from those words. If he wasn't his big brother, what was the problem?

"I-I... Oh, never mind. Keep going." That earned a questioning stare from his former little brother.

"Eh? What more do you want?" England sighed. The boy was too innocent for his own good.

"We're going to shank. Take your top off." He proceeded to strip his own clothing off. He didn't have much on in the first place. After all, he did just get up. Why the hell was America there so early? That question could be saved for later since he rid himself of his last article of clothing. He couldn't believe he was about to bottom. At least he could ride him. That would save a bit of his dignity.

"Sh-shank? We're doing what?" England pushed America down onto the ground. Sure, they could have done it on the kitchen table, but he'd save that for tomorrow.

"We are going to have sex with each other. Here, suck on these." He placed three fingers at America's mouth waiting for the other to take them in.

"I'm not going to bottom." England couldn't' help but roll his eyes.

"You won't, now suck." America took the fingers into his mouth and coated them thoroughly with saliva. England could barely believe he was about to do this. He didn't bottom to anyone. ANYONE. He still had that pirate in him.

"That's good enough. Release." He pulled the fingers from America's mouth and trailed them down to his own entrance. This was going to hurt like the dickens tomorrow morning.

England pushed one finger inside himself and relaxed his body. He made sure to be careful. He didn't want to add any unnecessary pain than what there was already going to be.

"D-does it hurt?" He looked at his former charge with half lidded eyes.

"Not as much as you'd think. Take your thing out." England added another finger and America took his cock out. He was right to use three fingers because, gawd, the boy was very, very large.

England added one more finger making sure to take his time. He just loved the look on America's face that said he couldn't wait anymore but had to. It was very humorous.

"Put your hands on my hips." America did as he was told. England took his fingers out and positioned the tip of the other's appendage against his entrance. He tried to relax himself as much as possible as he let it slide in slowly but surely.

It didn't hurt as much as he thought it would. Who would have thought it? He pushed himself down further to get the whole thing inside. Gawd, he'd never guessed the man this big. No wonder he was always slouching.

"F-Fuck! Iggy! Gawd, you're so fucking _tight_!" England groaned and started to move his hips up and down. He kept a steady pace until he hit that one spot.

"GAWD! America! Sh*t!" England couldn't' control his pace anymore. He kept slamming his hips down at an extremely fast pace.

"Iggy, I'm gonna cum!"

"AH! America!" They ended up cumming about the same time and tried to catch their breath before England climbed off of America.

"That was the best sex I've ever had."

"That was the only sex you've ever had."

"Yeah, but it'll be the best because it was with you." England couldn't suppress the smirk that came with those nice words.

"Best I've ever had too. How about we continue this on the bed?"

"Sounds good to me."

* * *

A.N./ For future reference, my spell check says Sealand is spelled wrong. This was a request and I'm about to do another one and then I'm asking for more requests 'cause I have no life... I live in the northern south so, yes, I do have a southern drawl. I don't really hear it, but apparently other people do.

Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia: Axis Powers.


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